I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
