she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
