I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
