I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize