woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
