so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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