Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
