I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
