you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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