I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
