He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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