sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
