Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize