shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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