amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
