I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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