I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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