I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
