I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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