chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
