i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
