a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize