Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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