You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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