Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
