A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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