roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
