Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
