K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
