What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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