I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
