someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
