just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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