Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
this hospital has no fireball
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
