Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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