I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
