i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize