I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
