i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
