Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize