When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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