I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
