no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
