I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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