I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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