I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My life is pants optional.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
