i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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