Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
