where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
