no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
