So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
