Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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