Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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