Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
