I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
