when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize