Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how drunk are you?
Several
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
