I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
