we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
