Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
