That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
