I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
