I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
