so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
