rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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