oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
