I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
