he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Two words: nipple clamps
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