I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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