So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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