if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
