you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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