capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
