it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
