She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
