I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
