How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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