Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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