So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
