bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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