when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
