Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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