Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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