im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
