jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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