I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
