Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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