If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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