I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
