I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
