he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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