Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
