I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
