Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
