Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
