Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
