if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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