I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
