Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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