I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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