Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
