I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize