So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
