Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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