If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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