He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
