I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
