so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
