Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
