this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
