Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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